Hello Old Friend

Today I had an interesting conversation with my boss and a few regulars about blogging. My boss has read my blog and likes it. That's heartening, but I feel like I don't have as much time to write as I used to. Perhaps this has something to do with not being at an office job anymore. I certainly had more than enough time to devote thirty minutes a day to typing out a review when sitting in a cubicle. I also had more time to watch movies and go to the theatre when I worked a 9-5. Since moving into the bar scene, I find that all I want to do when I get home is catch up on TV and sleep. My days off are crammed with all the tasks that MUST be completed for me to continue living. Add to this the lack of internet at my house and you get a pretty lazy blogger.

The positives: I think I'm finally starting to find a balance after over a year of being a paid night owl. I am also consciously choosing to watch the movies that languish in my queue or on top of my DVD player. I miss writing about what inspires, drives, and truly nourishes me. That may sound cheesy, but film and to a slightly lesser extent TV have been my touch stones. I have always been interested in what makes them good, what other people think, and how they factor into my life. I don't know what I would do if my TV broke. Actually, I do; as that happened to me not too long ago. I borrowed money from my parents to replace it ASAP.

As a welcome back to blogging, I want to talk about a movie I just saw.

"Would You Rather" (2012)
Director: David Guy Levy
Starring: Brittany Snow (also Exec-Producer), John Heard, Enver Gjokaj, Sasha Grey, Eddie Steeples

"Would You Rather" is perfectly described as a cross between "Hostel" and "Ten Little Indians". The concept isn't particularly new, but the approach and acting elevate it beyond previous works. We meet Iris (Snow) as she interviews for a job. She just quit school to take care of a sick brother after both parents have died. Money is tight, and she doesn't seem qualified for much. Her brother's doctor introduces her to Shepard Lambick (Jeffery Combs), the head of some huge corporation? Endowment? It isn't explained very well. Needless to say, he's rich and giving away money. Would Iris be interested in attending a dinner party, playing a game, and potentially winning enough to make all her and her brothers' dreams come true? Sounds too good to be true, and that's our first red flag. WYR doesn't try to be smarter that other films of its ilk, it simply understands that you, the viewer, know what's going to happen, and speeds along until hitting pay dirt.

Iris agrees to go to the dinner where she meets a cast of characters plucked from the pulp headlines: a gambler down on his luck (Heard), a saucy minx (Grey), the token black guy (Steeples), the ex-military guy (Charles Hofheimer), the little old lady (June Squibb). Dinner seems pleasant until the game is introduced.

It's a simple children's game. We've all played it: Would you rather? In our version, the choices are usually between bedding some famous actor or the weird guy at school. Drinking some weird concoction or kissing a dog. Who knows? The possibilities are endless! Of course, this is a horror/suspense film, so the stakes are much higher. I don't want to ruin some of the ingenious ways Mr. Lambick has devised to torment and test his potential beneficiaries, but I will pose this offered question: Would you rather electrocute yourself or your neighbor? How much are you willing to risk to chance?

At times, WYR made me cover my eyes. It was a nice change of pace for me truthfully, where nothing is usually weird or disgusting enough that I've not seen it before. In this case, I may have seen it before, but I cared more for the characters involved that I didn't want to see what I knew must happen.

Is this torture porn in the same way Hostel may be categorized as? No. Is it equally, if not more, disturbing? Yes. What would the average person do in these"Exam" or "Cube" that "Hostel". It's really about what makes a person human? What limit is too far? What would you do to achieve what is most important to you? It is in these questions that WYR succeeds.

circumstances? As one character expressed, we'd like to think we know but as the timer runs down, what would we really do? Thinking on this now, I think the film has more in common with

Would you rather??

Hello Blogging My Old Friend

Wow! I hadn't realized how long my hiatus was until I started working on this post. Thankfully, I've got the whole interweb thing figured out and finally working so I will not be away for so long again. Can I just say I really missed you?

So much has happened, too much really, that I'm just going to focus on the films shown at my eponymous movie club. I'm really trying to take it back to my original intention so we are alternating between older/classic films and more modern fare. This year, I'm also trying to focus on a different genre each month and choosing a film that perfectly encaptures it.

Where we left off:

"The Apartment" (1960)
Director: Billy Wilder (Seven Year Itch, Sunset Blvd., Some Like It Hot, legend)
Starring: Shirley MacLaine, Jack Lemmon, Fred MacMurray
Academy Awards: Best Picture, Best Director, Best Screenplay, Best Art Director, Best Editing. Nominations: Best Actress, Best Actor, Best Supporting Actor, Cinematography, Best Sound

"The Apartment" is one of my favourite movies. I can remember seeing it when I was fairly young (big shocker) and didn't know what it was about. Now, it amazes me that this movie was made at all and I wonder if it could still be made successfully today. What would it be rated? Surely not the PG it received from the Hays office.

"I'm too old for that sort of thing, I mean; in a VW."

Bud (Lemmon) is a young man trying to work his way to the top at work. Unfortunately, he's a bit misguided and lets executives use his apartment for their trysts. When his boss Mr. Sheldrake begins to use it, he brings over the colourful and carefree elevator operator Bud likes named Fran (MacLaine). Soon it becomes apparent that this scheme isn't going to work out and Bud must come to terms with the consequences of standing up for the girl of his dreams and potentially losing his career.

"The mirror is broken."
"Yes, I know. It makes me look the way I feel."

"The Apartment" is full of the typical bon mots we expect and love from Lemmon and MacLaine and McMurray (of My Three Sons fame) is deliciously evil as a boss and lover with few morals or ethics. It is a must see for fans of comedy and the actors, as well as a must for those who place a high emphasis on award wins.

"Tomie" (1998/1999)

Director: Ataru Oikawa

Starring: Miho Karro, Mami Nakamura, Yoriko Doguchi

I saw this movie for the first time after the cover art caught my eye at Blockbuster. It is the kind of movie you watch and when it's over ask yourself, "What the heck just happened?" I couldn't have told you the story or what it was about other than there was a head in a bag and it grew a body (as if you need to know anything more than that!). I must have watched it three times and could never say more than that! If you like it, there are also several sequels of varying success. Watching this again with the club made me feel a bit silly. The plot is not nearly as absent as I remember, but the film is still an easy entrance to the world of modern Japanese horror films and perfect if you have a group with members who are uncomfortable around anything scary.

Tsukiko is a troubled young woman who can't remember what happened in her past to make her so. She seeks the help of a psychiatrist who through hypnoses uncovers a name- Tomie. Who Tomie was and why she is haunting Tsukiko becomes the core of the movie. At the same time, a detective is investigating a rash of serial murders that also uncovers the name Tomie. A young man has the aforementioned head in the bag and talks to it. It talks back. I won't give away more for fear of ruining it, but the identity of the killer, Tomie, and what happened to our heroine as a child are all revealed.

Perfect for lovers of Asian cinema and Japanese horror especially. Also good for anyone looking for a good mystery with a bit of blood in it.

"The Searchers" (1956)
Director: John Ford (Grapes of Wrath, Stagecoach, How Green Was My Valley)
Starring: John Wayne, Natalie Wood, Vera Miles, Jeffery Hunter
Awards: DGA nomination, AFI #1 Western, AFI Top 100 Films #12

To agree with AFI is a bit redundant, but this is my favourite Western as well. It showcases the quintessential Wayne hero/curmudgeon and is beautifully shot, acted, and written. What else would you expect from the grandfather of Westerns, Ford?

"Ethan, I gotta ask you and Martin to take a ride to the State Capital."
"Is this an invite to a necktie party, Reverend?"

Shortly after Ethan Edwards (Wayne) comes home from the civil war, his brother's ranch is attacked by Indians (sorry P.C. people!) and everyone is killed except his youngest niece who is kidnapped. Ethan forms a search party and spends years looking for her. Finally, he finds her, all grown up, and played by Natalie Wood in what would normally be an embarrassing performance. Having lived with the Comanche for so long, can she be rescued?

"That'll be the day."

"The Searchers" is a long movie, but one with enough weight and importance behind it to make the time sail by. The male actors really shine as does Miles, as the young woman in love with a member of the searching party. The film holds true today with its themes of racism, family, and war. A must for Western lovers, but seriously; if you're a fan of Westerns you've probably already seen it. Otherwise, it is simply a must see for everyone.

[side note: A great drinking game- Drink every time Wayne says something snarky or acts like a smart ass. You'll be pleasantly buzzed before the end of the first reel.]

"La Haine (Hate)" (1995)
Director: Mathieu Kassovitz
Starring: Vincent Cassel, Hubert Kounde, Said Taghmaoui
Awards: Best Director (Cannes), Best Editing, Film, & Producer (Cesar Awards), Best Young Film (European Film Awards), Best Director & Film (Lumiere Awards), Empire Magazine 100 Best Films of World Cinema #32

Mathieu Kassovitz made a name for himself by making films that addressed social and political subjects in a youthful and fresh way. Most American movie goers will know him as the love interest in "Amelie" and I encourage you to seek out his French films as well.

"Jusqu'ici tout va bien..." ("So far, so good...")

Centering around the race riots in the Paris ghettos, "La Haine" follows the lives of three friends during a 24-hour period. The trio represent an almost unlikely alliance in France: Vinz- Jewish, Said- Muslim, and Hubert- African/French. Each responds slightly differently to the riots and police brutality effecting their community. They both try to go about their day as normally as possible and try to find someone to blame for the beating of their friend Abdel. The ending is one that you will talk about for years to come and the conversation that stemed from this film was one of the best in the clubs history.

"La Haine" doesn't pretend to have the solution to Frances difficulty, not does it delve to deeply into what caused this horrific level of hate amoungst the haves and have nots, the white protestant and everyone else. It does give you something to think about. The film regained the spotlight again in 2005 after Kassovitz criticized then Home Office Minister Nicolas Sarkozy (now President) made racist comments following another bout of riots in and around Paris. The transcripts of those conversations is priceless!

Anatomy of Torture

This was supposed to be a review of the movie "Borderland", one of the "After Dark Horrorfest: 8 Films to Die For" in 2007. Unfortunately, after about twenty minutes into the movie I had to stop watching. I wanted to stab myself in the face with a spork, it was so bad. This rarely happens, but when it does it's such a bummer! I was sick for a week and the best thing about it was wading through the long list of movies saved to my DVR and finally working my way through them.

The "torture porn" genre, often credited to Eli Roth though films of this nature have been made for decades, is certainly getting played out. You can't have torture for the sake of torture. Like any movie, there must be a plot (even a basic one) and characters we care something for. Roth is certainly a master at creating these types of stories as well as knowing when to stop and move on. I'm looking at you "Saw" and "Final Destination" franchise! In Roth's films, the characters interact well with each other and often have back stories worth knowing. The violence and gore serve the plot rather than as the only thing holding the movie together.

I recently re-watched "Hostel", though I'm not sure how appropriate the term "re-watch" is. I've watched this movie twice before but never in its entirety. The first time I tried watching, it was really late at night, I may have been drinking, and I kept falling asleep. I woke to a young man getting his Achilles sliced and fell back asleep. I woke again later to some other torture scene and fell asleep again. The next day I figured any horror movie I fell asleep to must not be worth watching. Then I saw "Hostel II" and fell in love. If this were the sequel, with a great story line featuring both sides of the same coin, hunter and hunted, than the first film must be better than I gave it credit for.

Perhaps it's "Hostel"'s fault for my disgust at "Borderland" and it's blatant rip off approach to gore. In horror, bad writing is easily forgiven by story. Bad acting can be covered up with blood and guts. But a combination of both is just lazy. "Borderland" is about a trio of mid-twenty somethings on vacation in Mexico looking to do what all young males in Mexico in movies are- boobs, booze, and drugs. Once there, they uncover a human sacrifice cult who, I assume, end up torturing and killing them. I don't really know. They lost me when Rider Strong, aged 28 at the time, loses his virginity to un underage prostitute dressed like Sailor Moon whom his friend paid. Groan! Okay, so it may have points for being based on a true story. Okay, so maybe it got better. The problem is, this is the age of ADD/ADHD and I don't have the patience to wait for a movie to decide to start.

While Roth wisely chose not to make a third "Hostel", the geniuses at Twisted Pictures/Lionsgate just can't help themselves when it comes to sequels. 2004s unique and uniquely disturbing "Saw" was a break through in horror when it came out. Here was a movie no one knew much about, made for pennies, that scared the bejeezus out of everyone. Entering the arena of forever famous villains is Jigsaw. Is he the puppet? The puppeteer? What's the end game? Huge box office sent the producers into a diabetic coma and they've popped out a movie a year since it's release. "Saw II" introduced more players and expanded the universe slightly, making it a worthwhile sequel. They should have stopped at "III".

Newline saw it's cash cows crow when they released "Final Destination" in 2000. It wasn't a huge success in the theatres, but DVD sales were enough to produce sequels with ballooning budgets but similar returns. Not the best market strategy I'd say, but they've put out 5 of these pictures. How many more ways can Death come for these kids? Besides, when you make a movie called "The Final Destination", that should be it. Seriously.

There is room in the world of horror and popular cinema for films that push the boundaries of decency and taste. Whether it be serial killers, cannibals, sadists, or toys possessed by evil; all can thrive and be enjoyed. The problem is not in the content, it's in the delivery. The notion that there are no new stories only new ways of telling them is especially poignant. Roth changed the co-ed camping genre with "Cabin Fever", James Wan gave us the worst puzzle solvers of all time in "Saw", Greg McLean took the hitchhiker genre to the outback with "Wolf Creek", Rob Zombie paid perfect homage to 70s exploitation with "House of 1000 Corpses" and it's follow up "The Devils Rejects". But the media and audiences act as if this is new. It isn't. George A. Romero, Wes Craven, John Carpenter, David Cronenberg, and the incorrigible Roger Corman have been making "torture porn" for years. We just called it horror. The fact is, horror is at its best when it's character driven. And, we don't even need to know the characters. How many A-list celebs starred in any of the above films? None. All made millions. 

So, to the hordes of hungry film students out there dreaming of their own "Hostel", take a deep breath and ask yourself, "What would Eli Roth do?" If the answer sounds like any movie you've already seen, you didn't really ask him. Go back to the drawing board and work a bit longer. I promise, it will pay off in the end. 

High Tension

***** (5 stars)

Modern France isn't really known for its horror movies. Sure, Polanski turned out some creepy hits in the 70s, but since then it's been pretty hit or miss. According to Netflix, the only foreign horror comes from Italy and Asia. Thankfully, there must be something in the water over there because the rest of Europe is slowing catching the fever. My love for Scandinavian horror has been well documented, so I'm focusing on my first love in the foreign language market- The French. Martyrs, In My Skin, Malefique, Le Pacts des Loups, The Pack, Frontiers, Inside, and others are working to change that perception. Enter "High Tension" (Haute Tension), one of the best horror films I've ever seen period. The seemingly simple story takes an unexpected twist that will remain in your subconscious forever.

Friends Marie (Cécile de France, "Hereafter", "L'auberge espagnole") and Alex (Maïwenn, "The Fifth Element") escape to the family farm to focus on studying for exams. No sooner are they tucked in for the night than a crazed man enters the home and kills the whole family, taking Alex hostage. Now, it is up to Marie to save her friend before the unthinkable happens.

Writer/Director Alexandre Aja has a bit of a hit or miss resume with this, his second feature, the somewhat high point. After its success, he went on to direct "The Hills Have Eyes" remake, "Mirrors" and "Piranha". He also wrote the forgettable "P2". His strong point is certainly style and the ability to overcome budget restraints, but he needs to work on polishing his writing skills and developing projects that will push his career forward. His relationship with writing partner and art director Gregory Levasseur blurs the line between director and crew. Who was in charge of this thing?

While trying desperately not to give anything away, the biggest complaint I've heard about this film is the twist. You either love it or hate it. Personally, I thought it elevated the film past cheap gore and into the psychological realm I enjoy so much. POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT (roll over to see): You must remember that the story we are originally told is from the mind of Marie. By revisiting the opening scene of her in the hospital at the end, we can see how her mental break shaped the story we saw and are left to wonder what elements are true and what was imagined. Aja hints at this himself in the bonus features when he talks of casting Philippe Nahon as the killer. How would you imagine a serial killer to look like?

The casting is impeccable. de France is one of my favorite young actresses in Europe right now. She has the ability to exude both fragility and strength, often in the same breath. Maiween is an actress I am less familiar with but who has an especially difficult scene towards the end that kept my hand clasped over my mouth the whole time. Philippe Nahon is a genius who has starred in over 150 films and TV. His resume reads like a who's who of French cinema. He has worked with everyone! Check him out in "I Stand Alone", "Le Pacts des Loups", and "Calvaire". He plays the killer very close to the chest, with holding any sings of motivation  or insanity. Instead, he is the face of death only- solid, stoic, fucking creepy!

Depending on your tolerance level, "High Tension" will either scare the bejeezus out of you or simple amuse you. My best friend warned that she still has nightmares over the movie and found it difficult to get to sleep after seeing it. Call me intrigued! Unfortunately, I did not have that reaction. Truth be told, this movie served as a palette cleanser after I watched a documentary about animal rights. That was far more disturbing! Still, I appreciated the lack of pretense this movie offered. There was no long story drawn out before the real horror begins. Our heroine Marie is also a pretty smart cookie. Unlike other women in horror films, she doesn't fall down a lot, she doesn't cry in the corner, she doesn't run away. She is smart and methodical. In the moments after the killer has broken in, I was impressed to see how she handled herself and thought,  "That's what I would do!".

The movie is to be seen to be believed, and it should be seen by everyone with the stomach for it!

Aaah! Zombies!!

**** (4.5 stars)

AKA "Wasting Away" is one of the best zombie/horror/comedy movies I have seen in a long time. The perfect blend of blood, brains, catchy one-liners, and decent plot really set this movie apart. I would love to have a mini-movie marathon with this, "Shaun of the Dead" and "Grindhouse: Planet Terror". It would be epic!

New Year's was an interesting occasion this year and thankfully I had this movie to get the party started. A planned cab strike meant ample time for a movie while waiting. I mean, what's a girl to do but watch a zombie movie and drink a bottle of champagne (with a little help of course)?

Matthew and Sean Kohnen suffer no loss of the imagination; just when you thought it was impossible to attack the zombie genre from a new angle. You have the typical (a group of 20-something hang abouts) with the unusual (they're all zombies). "Aaah Zombies" asks the question, "What's it really like to be a zombie?"

Tim (Michael Grant Terry, TVs "Bones") works at the local bowling alley with dreams of middle management. He's in love with his co-worker and best friend Cindy (Betsy Beutler, TVs "Scrubs" after it went downhill) but is afraid to tell her. His polar opposite and other best friend Mike (Matthew Davis, TVs "The Vampire Diaries") is loud, crude, funny, and self proclaimed ladies man. His ex, Vanessa (Julianna Robinson) dreams of becoming a lawyer and leaving all the juvenile antics behind. Meanwhile, on a secret government base (there's always one of those), a tragic science experiment results in the patients becoming zombies and they must dump the chemical compound and quick. In a twist of fate, one of the barrels rolls off the truck and is mistaken for a beer keg at the bowling alley. Best idea ever- Beer flavored ice cream. Unfortunately, the beer is actually poison and everyone dies and becomes a zombie. After they've scarfed the dessert, the picture turns from black and white to color and our gang of misfits is on their way. Everything they seem appears normal, though slightly sped up. What the world actually sees, and in black and white no less, is a group of raving slacker zombies. Problem is, they don't think they're the ones infected and they must find a cure for all their friends and family. With the help of Nick Steel (Colby French, the man's been in everything!), retired military, they begin to battle the 'dark" forces at play. Oh, and it's seriously funny.

All I kept thinking was, "I hope we get to see what these jokers look like when they think they're being cool and romantic. I want to see some zombie kissing!" Cut to black and white and what they think is a friendly wave or passionate kiss is actually awkward and a bit disgusting.

I find myself not wanting to say too much about this film. Not that there's much to give away or that you won't predict much of it, you will; instead I feel like it should be experienced with the same trepidation that I felt watching it. After "Mad Cowgirl" was an utter disappointment, I prayed that this movie would not let me down and ruin the start of my New Years Eve celebrations. I never really wondered before if zombies had thoughts, I just assumed they didn't, or if they could be anything more than mindless wanderers out for brains.

"Aaah! Zombies!!" is yet another great example of what low budget film making can and should be. I can't wait to see what's next.

PS- I find it's best, when speaking to someone about this movie, to really use the exclamation points in the title to their fullest effect: Aaah! ZOMBIES!! Really shout that last bit out.

It's a Mad, Mad, World

* (1 star)

I’m not sure where to start. I’ve been thinking about this review for two days now. “Mad Cowgirl” may be one of the worst movies I have ever seen. I would have given this zero stars if that was something I would do, but; I don’t. The lowest rating is 1 and that’s what “Mad Cowgirl” gets. It is not a “question movie”- You cannot ask the screen a question expecting any kind of answer. I assure you, there are none. Instead, you can only make statements such as: “I have no idea what is going on”, “I thought this would be funny”, “If she is actually having sex with her brother, granted it’s James Duval, I will vomit”, and “I just vomited”.

There doesn’t seem to be any real story here, just a director trying very hard to be subversive about ten years too late. I could have forgiven it more had it not been a poor attempt to, what?; impress Gregg Araki? Casting a bunch of actor’s that have worked with him does not make your movie more interesting. That’s not how it’s done! Gregory Hatanaka is making movies for himself and his friends (I assume they like them as they all seem to be working on this picture), that should have stayed in the comfort of their L.A. squat.

Here goes on the plot. The movie opens with a 70s style public service announcement about the dangers of mad cow disease and how your vegetarian starter kit is available in the lobby after the film. Totally funny and a good idea for midnight showings. Unfortunately, this movie is so bad that dream will never become reality. Therese (Sarah Lassez), a meat inspector, flits through life providing shoddy health code inspections and having a lot of sex with strangers and her "true love" Pastor Dylan (Walter Koenig, Chekov in the “Star Trek” movies). Gross. Her brother, Thierry (Duval), manages a meat processing plant that is severely tainted. Don’t worry, she just shakes her head at him and accepts the free meat he gives her. Later, Therese learns she has some sort of brain disease and she begins to go a bit crazy. No one seems to notice though, even when she stars to believe she is the real life incarnation of her favorite kung fu star, Cindy the Girl with the Thunderbolt Kick, and begins killing people/defeating the 12 Tigers.

The problem is, this is never really explained. We assume Therese is crazy long before she gets the diagnosis. There are about 5 different languages going on here, and Therese seemingly understands them all. Her doctor speaks to her in Sinhala (Sri Lankan dialect); she speaks French to her mother, English to everyone else, with a bit of Spanish thrown in for good measure. The poorly written script is filled out with bible quotes instead of dialog that might move the story along. Therese seems to have a fetish for the divine and not only has sex with her boyfriend while listening to his sermons, but also seeks out a Catholic priest to corrupt and have sex with during a double feature of porn and kung fu in a seedy movie theatre. Is she doing any of these things or only hallucinating? Do we at any point care? By the time she starts killing people, I was bored out of my gourd.

“Mad Cowgirl” throws everything but the kitchen sink into it- oral sex, raw meat, exposed breasts, incest, blood, kung fu, 70s porn, televangelism, paranoia, corruption, religion, morals. An actual kitchen sink would have been a welcome dose of humor! If this were a student film, I may have been able to over look much of the junk thrown in. It is shot primarily in super close up and most scenes contain little more than the actress staring off into space. Oh, so indie! Why there needed to be three cinematographers is beyond me.

What must the script have looked like? I really want to know what the actor’s read and if it made sense to them or sounded like a good idea at the time. Lassez has been kept busy, mostly in small indie/art films (“Nowhere”, “Lo”). It’s kind of a shame as she’s not a bad actress per se. Perhaps she needs to go back to TV. Duval is one of my favorite actors but sometimes I don’t understand his choices. He must be friends with Hatanaka as well. I mean, he’s the younger Keanu Reeves (and I mean that in the best possible way)! Like Keanu circa “My Own Private Idaho”. Please James, please don’t do any more movies like this.

The only good thing about “Mad Cowgirl”? The line, “I love you more when you’re gone”.

I’ve turned off very few films and the only reason I didn’t turn this one off was you dear reader. I just kept hoping it would get funny, even unintentionally so, or that something would be explained. I don’t mean in a hold-my-hand-and-tell-me-the-meaning-of-life kind of way, but anything would have been much appreciated.

I loved one of the reviews for this movie on Netflix. “The graphic designer that made the cover of this movie look cool can go fly a kite!” To that I say, "Here here!"

Doghouse

*** (3 stars)

"Alright, calm down... You sound like a dolphin"

I watched "Doghouse" on the recommendation from my friend who is equally obsessed with horror. We go back and forth sending trailers and posting articles about the latest, greatest, and missed treasures of gore and fright.

Doghouse follows a group of longtime friends out to cheer up their buddy following his divorce, and they only have one thing on their minds- birds (women). Well, maybe it will be nice to get away from their own nagging spouses too. On the suggestion of Mikey (Noel Clarke, "Centurion", "Doctor Who"), they travel to Moodly where his gran lives and the population is 4:1 ladies. Win-win, right? Wrong. All of the women have been turned into zombies with a craving for male blood and guts. Can the happy bachelor gang get out alive? Will any of them "score"? Will you care?

Director Jake West specializes in what I would call "B-horror, slapstick". His movies don't seem to try to be anything that they're not- bloody, gory, and void of plot or sense. His best know work may be "Razor Blade Smile" about a vampiress out for revenge against the Illuminati, or his addition to the "Pumpkinhead" idiom; the made for TV "Pumpkinhead: Ashes to Ashes". Armed with this knowledge, I probably would have ignored my buddies advice, but the cast was too interesting to pass up. What were these guys doing in this movie?

The macho male crew is rounded out by leader and self proclaimed playboy Neil (Danny Dyer, "Human Traffic", "Malice in Wonderland"), the recent divorcé Vince (Stephen Graham, "Boardwalk Empire"-he's amazing!, "Public Enemies"), comic geek Matt (Lee Ingleby, "The Last Legion"), recent zen convert Patrick (Keith-Lee Castle, "Seed of Chucky"), the requisite homosexual Graham (Emil Marwa, "East is East"), and slacker Banksy (Neil Maskell). They're driven to the country by Christina Cole ("Hex") whom they immediately dub "Candy". Eventually, the guys run into an Army guy (Terry Stone) trying his best to kill the "zombirds" and redeem himself in the role he played in their creation.

If I were not a woman, or had the ability to completely check my brain at the door, I may have liked this movie more. Unfortunately, all I could think about was how misogynistic the men were (no wonder their women hate them), and how I wished they would die. The story lags about, not quite sure if it's a comedy or just a B-movie. Women are harlots and zombies hell bent on destroying/pacifying a man and men are the lonely victims to their plans. Please.

The opening scenes of the movie rip off British gangster movies with each character being introduced to us through the misdeeds they do to their significant others, then freeze frame and animate to reveal their names. Guy Ritchie doesn't even do that anymore people! Move on! Cole is completely underused and I kept wondering why she was even in this movie. Has life been that bad for you girl? Your IMDB page tells a different story. The idiocy surrounding them only makes it the more amazing that any may actually survive. How hard is to to lure a zombie out of a van and then get in it? Just run around in a circle people. Why run off into no man's land? Pun intended.

My feelings on the movie were actually heightened after watching the making of featurette, an in dept look at production, cast interviews, post production, and FX. "Doghouse" was shot with the Red HD Digital Camera, which fuses the best of film and digital filming into one camera without any of the negatives. The Red is able to give crisp picture and definition in low light, eliminates blur when used as a steadycam, and provides high definition playback. Digital filming allows the director and actors to go for longer takes, and is cheaper than shooting on film. Other films shot with this amazing new technology include "The Social Network", the upcoming "Pirates of the Caribbean: On Strange Tides", "District 9", "Che"; as well as numerous television series like "Southland", "Covert Affairs", "Sanctuary", and "Louis". It is truly amazing.

First time screen writer Dan Schaffer makes a valiant effort at crafting a 90-minute story line, but gets weighed down by the limitations a screenplay has over his usual comic book format. I am curious to read his comic works, especially "Dogwitch" about an outcast witch obsessed with the sick and unstable subcultural population. Could be good.

The FX are really great- heads being chopped in half, guts galore, crazy zombie make-up. It's got it all. It's no surprise when you consider that the team responsible also worked on "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy", "Splintered", "Prince of Persia", and "Moon". Great make-up and FX can really help a poor movie become a good one.

All in all, I like this movie more after learning more about the behind the scenes, but I don't think I could really recommend it. Unless, that is, you've got a beef with women and enjoy watching idiots attempt to fight zombies. You would do better to rent "Shaun of the Dead" again.

Shocking, Detestable, Horrific, Loathsome, Revolting (and other words that don't describe my general movie going experience)

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It takes a lot to shock me in movies these days. My boss was recounting a story about her 13-year old son to me yesterday. He tried to see “Paranormal Activity” but was turned away once he got to the theatre. Instead, he and his friends saw “The Stepfather”. He’s been having nightmares ever since. I couldn’t help but giggle. I loved scary movies! Sure, when I was 13 there were a lot of things that scared me. I never learned my lesson and as a result had a lot of nightmares. (Sorry Mom and Dad). However, they were also supernatural in nature- dolls come to life, tiny demons stealing my breath, something wicked in the closet or under the bed. Human killers didn’t bother me at all.

So I laughed and said the line that opened this post. She replied, “Based on the kind of movies you rent, I’m not surprised!”

You see, I’d recently recounted the premise of “Blood Car” (please don’t see it), about a car that runs on human blood some how, and the bumbling government spooks watching it all go down. Sounds promising right? That’s what I thought! Here’s a sample dialogue:
“What’s he up to?”
“Well, he just killed two people.”
“Okay. Keep an eye on him.”

Seriously? God bless Netflix for having an outlet to what I hoped was student work (it wasn’t), but there should really be a warning. Perhaps you’re thinking, “They do warn you. They rate all the movies. The estimate what you would rate it!” That’s well and good for most movies, but it fails to take into account the movies that are so bad they’re good.
[side note: It received a 2.7. Hardly an indication of bad or good]

But, I digress… Back to my point- shocking me. It takes a lot. I was the girl who fell asleep during “Hostel”, mind you. (Loved part two though). I watch “Un Chien Andalou” (IFC’s #1 scary-non-horror movie) and never cringe. Give me what you got, your best shot! Get Greg Nicotero and Tom Savini together and we’ll have a great time (I think I just came a little thinking about that mash-up), but I’m still not going to be shocked or really scared. The last time I remember being scared was watching “The Strangers”, and that was only because the wind almost blew the door in and things kept tapping against the glass. Seriously, watch it next time it storms- totally different experience.

Now, it’s reality that scares me, not monsters. As we grow up, the demons and witches and ghouls are replaced with sadistic Hitchcockian killers; people who smile as they wipe your blood from their face. I feel it, it’s scary, but is it shocking? Not yet.

When was the last time? Maybe “Blood Car” should count even if it was just shockingly bad! Okay, now I’m going to have to say more about this movie. Synopsis: Vegan loser schoolteacher (who wears homemade t-shirts with vegan dogma slogans embroidered on them to work. In what universe is that appropriate work attire?), tries to invent a car that runs on wheat grass be buys from Anna Chlumsky (oh yea) at a “Peanuts”-esque tofu stand in the middle of a parking lot. It doesn’t work, surprise, until he cuts himself and a little of his blood mixes with the grass and VOILA!

Chlumsky's in love with him, but he only has eyes for the girl who sells meat in an equally ridiculous cardboard stand across from Anna's. (Uh huh). So, why does the car suddenly run on blood? How does installing a propeller in the trunk to slice up bodies get the blood in the tank? Doesn't this car smell? In the end, spoiler alert (as if that's even possible), the government guys make him president of his own country. (yep). It's bad when the Troma looks like Miramax in comparison.

Okay, so there was another tangent. Seriously though, when was the last time I saw something shocking? I've got a couple in my queue that may do it, including "Cannibal" based on the true story of the German guys who found someone to eat, literally, on Craigslist; and "In the Skin" about a girl who likes to self mutilate, a lot. Maybe I'll have something to report.

Maybe I'm just desensitized. Is that a bad thing? Some politico's would have you believe it is. I'm not very good with empathy, but I can certainly feel pity. I understand right from wrong. I don't want to emulate anything I've seen on TV or the movies (again, thanks to the folks). What's so bad about desensitizing America?

Fright Fest: The Final Frontier

Fright Fest: The Final Frontier

I freely admit, I am horrible with sub-dividing larger categories. On the other hand, I can't seem to stop trying. Ask me my favorite movie and I immediately want to divide the category. How can anyone pick just one? It's hard enough picking my favorite horror movie (as evident by this list). When I start separating, there are always a few left over that I can't decide where they fall. What the heck am I supposed to do then? Make a miscellaneous category I guess.

"Night of the Comet" - After a comet passes the Earth disintegrating the population or turning them into zombies; it's up to a pair of Valley girls to stay alive and stay away from the scientists who want to discover why they're alive.

Oh man, this movie is both horrible and amazing. It's super 80s in all the best ways, but the tension in the film is real. I read a lot of reviews about this movie that made it sound like the filmmaker was purposefully making  a mock-horror movie or farce. I don't think that's the case. I think it was meant to be serious, it kind of is, and not a big joke. It's hard to tell with movies from this time period though. I mean, someone though Leprechaun was going to be a good scary movie. Instead, it's hilarious. Now, they're aware and make comedies.

"Black Circle Boys" - The new kid in school (Scott Bairstow) meets the wild Black Circle Boys lead by Eric Mabius. They're into the occult and drugs and all the other things outsiders in films are supposed to like. Soon, Bairstow realizes he's in over his head but, will the Boys let him walk away?

Disclaimer #1: I rented this movie solely because Eric Mabius was in it and I heart him. Then, he kept popping up in movies and TV and I didn't know what to do with myself. This was the crazy goth rocker I loved in this movie! What the frak is he doing on "Ugly Betty". Anyway, Disclaimer #2: Donnie Wahlberg is in it and he will not annoy you. When did he start to think he was the next Marky Mark? Oh yea...

I love these kinds of movies where teens get sucked into a life of the occult and devil worship. It's hilarious and I wonder where these kids went to school. Probably the same places that have huge school dances that cost thousands of dollars and big house parties with kegs and a bar but no parents or police. Maybe they break out into song or spontaneously choreographed dance number. I'm pretty sure these places only exist in movies and the Lifetime channel.

"The Witches" - Nicolas Roeg ("The Man Who Fell to Earth"- rent it. Seriously) directs this adaptation of Roald Dahl's book. When a young boy goes on vacation with his grandmother, they never thought they would be sharing their hotel with a witches convention. To make matters worse, the Grand Witch (Anjelica Huston- divine) and her cronies hate children and want to turn them all into mice.

I saw this movie when it came out and fell in love. There's something about Dahl and his work that speaks to both children and adults. Perhaps it's that he doesn't talk down to children or white wash events. His books are often scary but they always end with a high moral center. Therefore, this movie is great for people my age who grew up with this movie to watch it again, those with kids, and even adults who have never seen it before. It is a bit dated, but eventually you won't even notice.

"Plan 9 From Outer Space" - Ed Wood, Jr follows up "Glen or Glenda" [side note: I saw it on PBS once and had no idea what I stumbled upon. It was wonderful!] with this tale about a group of aliens who have burned through plans 1-8 of Earth takeover. That just leaves plan 9: turn humans into zombies and vampires.

Okay, so maybe this is the "worst movie of all time" or maybe it's genius. I can't decide. I saw this after I saw Tim Burton's "Ed Wood" so maybe I'm biased. You have to admire a man who kept pushing at his dream no matter how little he had or how hard they pushed him down. This is no award winner but it's not as bad as some may have you believe. I love it.

"Return of the Living Dead III" - When Julie is killed, her boyfriend Curt takes her body to his father's military lab and brings her back to life. Now the love birds are on the run from the military and a biker gang. How will their undead love survive?!

Melinda Clarke ("The Vampire Diaries", "The OC") is Julie and I totally forgot that fact until I looked this movie up for this list. How funny! She gets all goth/punk pierced chick about half way through. I love seeing how people got their start. "Living Dead 3" is my favorite sequel to the original. It's hilarious and kind of forgets it's a zombie horror movie. Instead it plays like a love story with gore. Is there any better kind?

"Jaws" - If you haven't seen this movie you should hit yourself in the face. A giant great white shark shows up off the coast of New England and begins to eat people. Bill Butler's cinematography and John Williams score are high points in an already amazing film.

I debated putting this movie on the list. I don't consider it a horror movie but everyone else seems to. I understand that when it came out it scared the bejeezus

"The House of Usher" - I love Edgar Allan Poe. Who doesn't that ever considered themselves an outsider? Adapted from one of my favorite stories. When Philip arrives at Usher Manor to propose to Madeline, he discovers she is deathly ill and her brother not far behind her. Philip attempts to wait it out, until the Usher curse begins to lose control.

Vincent Price is amazing (was there any doubt) as the eldest Usher, as is Myrna Fahey as his sister. I just love seeing him so young. Mark Damon (Philip) went on to act in several other horror films, but made a real name for himself as a producer with such works as "Das Boot", "Monster", and "The Lost Boys".

"Ghost Hunters" (TV) - By day, the founders of TAPS (The Atlantic Paranormal Society) are Roto Rooter plumbers but by night, they investigate claims of hauntings all across the Northeast and now the country. Available on DVD and on Syfy Wednesdays.

Whether you believe in ghosts or not, you will enjoy this show about paranormal investigators. I also believe it to be the best reality based ghost show on TV today. The cast is personable and professional. It seems I've been talking about this show a lot recently. Several of my friends don't watch it because they either believe it will be scary (it certainly can be) or they think it a joke. The most important distinction between this show and it's copy cats is that they set out first to debunk, then to prove. It's always a bit sad when they have to tell a home owner that their house isn't haunted, they just need new plumbing or foundation. On the other hand, when they capture actual evidence of a haunting it's enough to give you goosebumps. Anytime they're at a lighthouse, you are sure to be in for a treat. At one location, a chair moved across the room on its own. At one of the they investigate, a shadow figure materializes out of the floor, runs towards camera, then disappears. I can't even go into what happens at the legendary Stanley Hotel (made famous in "The Shining"). Just trust me and watch it.

Fright Fest: Now in Black & White

What makes something a classic? Does it have to be old? How old? Is is just insanely popular? What about cult classics then? I choose to define a classic movie as one that has stood the test of time (so, probably at least 10 years old), that I can watch over and over (no easy task), and that is popular with more people than just myself. What makes a classic for you?

"Rosemary's Baby" - A young couple move into a new apartment (The Dakota, lucky bastards!) where they are surrounded by odd neighbors. Mia Farrow (Rosemary) begins to get paranoid (as women are want to do in a Polanski film) and it turns out she may very well have right to be.

The big argument now is: Is there ever a time when a celebrities personal life will influence their professional? I'm sure there are people who won't watch a Polanski film because of who he is. That's their prerogative. Me, I'm not sure I care. It certainly doesn't mean the movie is suddenly going to be bad. Polanski is certainly one of the most prolific auteur's working in film today. So, does it matter? "Rosemary's Baby" is a well crafted movie and adaptation of Ira Levin's book. It's creepy and well shot and acted. It's a great film!

"Them!" - New Mexico was home to early atomic testing. They thought they had taken every precaution, but they forgot one thing- ants. Now 1,000 times their usual size, these man-eating ants threaten to take over the world. Can they be stopped?

This has been one of my favorite movies since I was a kid. My Dad sat me down to watch it once when it came on TV and I was mesmerized. Growing up in Texas, I had a healthy fear of ants. Ants kill people here. At the very least, they can bite you a million time and you'll wish for death. The idea that these very same ants could become giant-sized and terrorize the city is terrifying!

"Five Million Years to Earth" - When the crew working on expanding London's subway system uncover a secret room complete with alien spaceship, Professor Quartermass and his team to investigate. Where did the ship come from? What happened to the aliens? What of the prehistoric humanoid skeleton found with the wreckage? This movie will have you guessing to the end.

AKA "Quartermass and the Pit", you have to be careful when looking for this movie that you get the 1967 film version and not one of the others made for TV. I stumbled across this movie one day on TV (god bless TCM and AMC). It's a great mix of what Hammer Film's was most famous for (slightly schlocky B-movies) and "legitimate" movie making. I heart Hammer and his American counterpart Roger Corman so much!

"The Exorcist" - William Friedkin direct's Willaim Blatty's adaptation of his own work in this stunning film from 1973. Regan (Linda Blair) is your typical teenager until the day she becomes possessed by a demon. Her mother (the always stunning Ellen Burstyn) calls on the help of Father Merrin (equally amazing Max von Sydow) to perform the exorcism.

Duh. Of course "The Exorcist" is on my list. It's still scary, period. Don't watch it on TV. For the longest time that was the only way I had seen it and I didn't understand some of the controversy. Of course TBS isn't going to show Blair's painful masturbatory scene, or say the "C" word, or much of anything else interesting. I later wrote a paper about this movie for a film class in college. Any movie that can cause the audience to vomit, pass out, or have a heart attack (that may not have been the movie, just unlucky) is a-okay in my book. Love. LOVE!

"Poltergeist" - Hip parents Craig T. Nelson and Jo Beth Williams move their clan into a brand new home in the subdivision Nelson helped design. Little do they know it's haunted and the ghosts only have one thing on their minds- Carol Anne, the youngest child. In come a group of paranormal investigators (and the wonderful Zelda Rubinstein) to try and get Carol Anne back once she has been sucked into another dimension.

I've mentioned seeing many of these movies when I was a kid. I assure you I had good (yet awesome) parents, they just based their treatment of such things based on our maturity not our age. My mother's only concern was gratuitous violence (doesn't count war movies. Thanks "Glory"). Sex, drugs, rock and roll were all fine by her book. Made for some uncomfortable family movie nights, but I'm grateful for it now. Of course, she worked and had no idea what we watched during the day. Sorry mom! She certainly knew how much I loved this film and it was probably my favorite scary movie growing up. I used to quote it incessantly and still do. "Walk into the light children! All are welcome in the light!"

"Poltergeist" is also famous for it's curse- 6 cast members have died since making this movie. Dominique Dunne (the sister) was strangled by a jealous boyfriend, Julian Beck (Kane in the 2nd film) died of cancer, Will Sampson (medicine man in the 2nd film) died of post-op kidney failure, and Heather O'Rourke (the star of the films) died from septic shock.

"White Zombie" - Though not as famous as the man who named his band after it, it is still famous for being the first zombie movie. Starring Bela Lugosi as an evil witch doctor who transforms a young woman into a zombie in order to lure her away from her boyfriend. Symbolism abounds in this classic Universal film.

I'd heard of this movie but hadn't seen it until fairly recently when it was given to me at a company white elephant party. Anything with Lugosi is going to be good and Madge Bellamy (vegetarian Texan!!) was an "aging" silent movie star trying to get back into pictures. Not scary, but amazing to see how far the zombie genre has come. It's also a great movie to debate!

"The Innocents" - A young governess (Deborah Kerr- "The King and I") becomes convinced the house she works at is haunted, and what's worse; the ghosts are after her two young charges.

It drives me crazy. I saw this movie on TV when I was home sick once in junior high, though it was called "Turn of the Screw" (after the Henry James book it is based upon). When I went looking for it later this version was all I could find that look remotely like the movie I had seen. Of course, it had been many years and I remember the book much more than the movie. It is after all, my favorite book of all time. Anyway, it's a great ghost story and psychological story. More debating over the hysterical woman archetype is sure to result from repeat viewings.

"Evil Dead 2" - Sam Raimi's remake of his own film 6 years later benefits from more money and slightly more experience. A group of friends head out to the woods to relax and do whatever it is young people do in a cabin; when they are attacked by demons. More funny than scary, it knows just how ridiculous it is and revels in it.

I don't care if this makes me unpopular, I liked #2 better than the original "Evil Dead". I mean come on! A tree rapes a woman for christ sake. How is that not creative and awesome? You should just watch the whole trilogy (includes "Evil Dead" and "Army of Darkness") and call it a day.

See Also: Bell, Book, and Candle; Psycho, Dracula (1931), Repulsion, any Hammer Studio's anthology,  The Wasp Woman, Earth vs The Flying Saucer, Forbidden Planet, Nightmare on Elm Street, Last House on the Left, Halloween,

Fright Fest: Cue Inappropriate Laughter

 Amidst the gore, violence, and screams of terror; it's nice to take a break an laugh a little. It's even better when you can laugh at something that resembles a horror movie already. There have certainly been times when I just didn't want to go to sleep after watching something scary or sick. Not that I was scared necessarily, though I am woman enough to say that could sometimes be the case, but because I know I'll sleep better after something a bit light hearted. So, what do you watch when you want to laugh your ass off during Halloween?  

"The Addams Family" - Based on Charles Addams beloved comic, a family of con artists try to grift the titular family into thinking their son is the long lost Uncle Fester. Little are they prepared for the level of weirdness that ensues. Favorite line: "Are your Girl Scout cookies made with real Girl Scouts?"

I remember watching this movie in the front row when it came out. At the time, the front row was THE place to be. Man I was an idiot. Regardless, I grew up reading these comics and we had several of Addams' books around the house. My sister and I wanted to be Wednesday when we grew up, either her or Lydia Deetz. I'm sure everyone has seen this movie, but hasn't it been a long time? Don't you think it deserves another viewing?

"Innocent Blood" - Marie is a vampire trying to live her life when one of her meals gets her in trouble with the law. She teams up with the lead detective to track down her little accident and keep her secret safe.

What more do you need in a movie? Comedy, a bit of gore, boobs (for those of you who are fans), and John Landis. I've been a fan of Anne Parillaud since "Le Femme Nikita" and Anthony LaPaglia since "So, I Married an Axe Murderer". Also, when Landis does horror it is always so enjoyable. There's plenty of blood and ripped throats to go with all the great one-liners.

[side note: Watch "So, I Married an Axe Murderer" again. Love! "Woman, whoa man. Whoa man. She was a thief, you gotta belief. She stole my heart and my cat"]

"Serial Mom" - A typical suburban mom takes matters into her own hands in defense of her family. No slight is too small for her to wreck vengeance!

It was about time for John Waters to take on the serial killer craze, and take it on he did. There's something deeply satisfying with watching Kathleen Turner stab some dope with a pair of shears. This is another movie about a woman standing up for her family and although savage violence may not always be the answer, it's refreshing to see a family that actually gets along and seems to like one another. I guess the family that kills together, stays together. Not for those who find Mr. Waters work crude or depraved of course. Of course, those types of people would not read my blog or be friends with me.

"Psycho Beach Party" - "Six Feet Under" star Lauren Ambrose stars in this "Gidget" spoof. She's the first girl accepted into the Malibu surf club, but she has a problem. She has multiple personality disorder. When her friends start showing up dead, she worries she might have something to do with it.

This movie is seriously, stupid fun. I used to love the Frankie Avalon/Annet Funicello movies and to see them re-imagined as a murder mystery party is pretty cool. There are a bunch of people in this film including Thomas Gibson, nicholas Brendon, Amy Adams, Kathleen Robertson (where has she been?), and Charles Busche (writer and famous cross dresser).

"The 'Burbs" - Tom Hanks is convinced his new neighbors are some sort of satanic cult and sets out to investigate.

Director Joe Dante is one of the masters of B-horror, having directed "Piranha", "The Howling", "Amazon Women on the Moon", and "Gremlins". He also made one of my favorite comedy/Sci-fi movies "Innerspace". Here, he gets to show us what he's really made of with a film that purposefully thumbs its nose at his earlier work. Hanks, Bruce Dern, and Carrie Fisher are hilarious as some of the other neighbors, but it's the late Henry Gibson that really shines as the head of the Klopek clan.

"Killer Klowns From Outer Space" - Possibly the greatest bad movie ever made! The plot is pretty self evident from the title: Killer clowns land on Earth and begin abducting people to take back to their big top space ship for food.

How is this movie not shown at more midnight screenings? I love their little popcorn babies they shoot at their victims and the big cotton candy cocoons they wrap you in before sucking out your juices through huge bendy straws. Director Stephen Chiodo went on to a successful career in stop-motion animation and puppeteering in such films as "Elf", "Team America World Police", as well as creating the diorama's for "Dinner for Schmuck's" (which I haven't seen but heard they were the only good thing about that movie). Pretty impressive. This is a must see for all movie lovers.

"Splatter Farm" & "Motel Hell" Double Feature- In "Splatter Farm", brothers visit their aunt at her farm only to discover what they're actually harvesting is human parts. In "Motel Hell", the manager kidnaps his guests, buries them in the ground to fatten them up, then serves them as his famous fritters. Very "Delicatessen"-esque.

Cheese galore in both pics! They're so silly yet you can't stop watching them. I caught "Motel" late one night on TV and it was so disturbing. Then I was disturbed that something so silly disturbed me. Maybe that's not the right word for it... It's like a Troma movie without the money. They know it's silly and they don't care.

"Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter" - I change my mind. This is the worst movie of all time that you have to see to believe. Jesus comes back to Earth to take down the vampire community with his amazing kung-fu skills and the help of Mary Magnum and nacho libre El Santos.

I don't want to ruin this for anyone as it wasn't ruined for me. My friend called, told me the title, and that was all. I do suggest several drinks beforehand and during.

Finally, I just watched "Suck" which I've been waiting to become available on Netflix ever since I saw a trailer for it on /film. I was worried for a bit when it first started, but then I laughed out loud several times and proclaim it Destined to be a Cult Classic!

Down on his luck Joey and his band (The Winners, "it's ironic") are languishing playing empty clubs and getting no hits to their website. When the only female member Jennifer (congrats Jessica Pare on "Mad Men". I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!) is bitten by a vampire, their popularity soars and so does the body count. Malcolm McDowell co-stars as vigilante vampire hunter Eddie Van Helsing.

This movie is a who's who of guest stars. Everyone from Iggy Pop, Alice Cooper, Henry Rollins, Moby (I didn't even recognize him), Dimitri Coats, and more turn up in this pic. The making of doc is mostly the above talking about music and why they were in this movie for 45 minutes. I would have liked a bit more behind the scenes and less interviews with the cameos.

What better couple than rock music and vampires? What's better is the movie is actually funny. It plays like how I imagine my friend's and I would act if we discovered one of us was a vampire. Jack of all trades Rob Stefaniuk looks like a somber Jamie Kennedy but thankfully without his tone. His songs are ironic and while not exactly rockin', are still pretty impressive. I kind of wish there were more singing. We get teased with it towards the beginning when Coats master vampire breaks into song while seducing Pare and I thought, "Hell yea! Another 'Rocky Horror!'" Instead the only other songs happened at the bands gigs. I think that was a bit of a missed opportunity.

I am buying this movie immediately and hope I can figure out a way to screen it for my friends in my own Elvira style Midnight Movie Madness!