Doghouse

*** (3 stars)

"Alright, calm down... You sound like a dolphin"

I watched "Doghouse" on the recommendation from my friend who is equally obsessed with horror. We go back and forth sending trailers and posting articles about the latest, greatest, and missed treasures of gore and fright.

Doghouse follows a group of longtime friends out to cheer up their buddy following his divorce, and they only have one thing on their minds- birds (women). Well, maybe it will be nice to get away from their own nagging spouses too. On the suggestion of Mikey (Noel Clarke, "Centurion", "Doctor Who"), they travel to Moodly where his gran lives and the population is 4:1 ladies. Win-win, right? Wrong. All of the women have been turned into zombies with a craving for male blood and guts. Can the happy bachelor gang get out alive? Will any of them "score"? Will you care?

Director Jake West specializes in what I would call "B-horror, slapstick". His movies don't seem to try to be anything that they're not- bloody, gory, and void of plot or sense. His best know work may be "Razor Blade Smile" about a vampiress out for revenge against the Illuminati, or his addition to the "Pumpkinhead" idiom; the made for TV "Pumpkinhead: Ashes to Ashes". Armed with this knowledge, I probably would have ignored my buddies advice, but the cast was too interesting to pass up. What were these guys doing in this movie?

The macho male crew is rounded out by leader and self proclaimed playboy Neil (Danny Dyer, "Human Traffic", "Malice in Wonderland"), the recent divorcé Vince (Stephen Graham, "Boardwalk Empire"-he's amazing!, "Public Enemies"), comic geek Matt (Lee Ingleby, "The Last Legion"), recent zen convert Patrick (Keith-Lee Castle, "Seed of Chucky"), the requisite homosexual Graham (Emil Marwa, "East is East"), and slacker Banksy (Neil Maskell). They're driven to the country by Christina Cole ("Hex") whom they immediately dub "Candy". Eventually, the guys run into an Army guy (Terry Stone) trying his best to kill the "zombirds" and redeem himself in the role he played in their creation.

If I were not a woman, or had the ability to completely check my brain at the door, I may have liked this movie more. Unfortunately, all I could think about was how misogynistic the men were (no wonder their women hate them), and how I wished they would die. The story lags about, not quite sure if it's a comedy or just a B-movie. Women are harlots and zombies hell bent on destroying/pacifying a man and men are the lonely victims to their plans. Please.

The opening scenes of the movie rip off British gangster movies with each character being introduced to us through the misdeeds they do to their significant others, then freeze frame and animate to reveal their names. Guy Ritchie doesn't even do that anymore people! Move on! Cole is completely underused and I kept wondering why she was even in this movie. Has life been that bad for you girl? Your IMDB page tells a different story. The idiocy surrounding them only makes it the more amazing that any may actually survive. How hard is to to lure a zombie out of a van and then get in it? Just run around in a circle people. Why run off into no man's land? Pun intended.

My feelings on the movie were actually heightened after watching the making of featurette, an in dept look at production, cast interviews, post production, and FX. "Doghouse" was shot with the Red HD Digital Camera, which fuses the best of film and digital filming into one camera without any of the negatives. The Red is able to give crisp picture and definition in low light, eliminates blur when used as a steadycam, and provides high definition playback. Digital filming allows the director and actors to go for longer takes, and is cheaper than shooting on film. Other films shot with this amazing new technology include "The Social Network", the upcoming "Pirates of the Caribbean: On Strange Tides", "District 9", "Che"; as well as numerous television series like "Southland", "Covert Affairs", "Sanctuary", and "Louis". It is truly amazing.

First time screen writer Dan Schaffer makes a valiant effort at crafting a 90-minute story line, but gets weighed down by the limitations a screenplay has over his usual comic book format. I am curious to read his comic works, especially "Dogwitch" about an outcast witch obsessed with the sick and unstable subcultural population. Could be good.

The FX are really great- heads being chopped in half, guts galore, crazy zombie make-up. It's got it all. It's no surprise when you consider that the team responsible also worked on "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy", "Splintered", "Prince of Persia", and "Moon". Great make-up and FX can really help a poor movie become a good one.

All in all, I like this movie more after learning more about the behind the scenes, but I don't think I could really recommend it. Unless, that is, you've got a beef with women and enjoy watching idiots attempt to fight zombies. You would do better to rent "Shaun of the Dead" again.

RED: Retired, Extremly Drab

*** (3 stars)

Monday I went to a screening of "RED" at the Movie Studio Grill. A highlight may have been the delicious garlic fries I ate while we waited for the movie to begin (10 minutes late).

"RED" is based on the comics by Warren Ellis ("Transmetropolitan" one of my favorite comics of all time) and Cully Hamner. Frank Moses (Bruce Willis), retiree, spends the day tearing up benefit checks just so he can talk to Sarah (Mary Louise Parker); until one night when three men break into his house and try to kill him. Now, he's on the run with Sarah as his hostage. You see, Frank isn't who he seems: He's ex-C.I.A. and one of the best "wet" men (i.e., hit man) the agency has ever seen. Calling his old team together (Dame Helen Mirren with an uzi!!, John Malkovich, and Morgan Freeman) to figure out who is trying to kill them and why.

I still can't decide how I feel about this movie, so I've decided to do something a bit different and just give you my pros and cons.

PROS:
* Anything from the twisted mind of Warren Ellis is a-okay with me. He is beyond skilled at creating worlds and characters that appear on the page full formed and relatable. He has a wicked sense of humor too!

* Script- Jon and Erich Hoeber ("Whiteout", "Battleship"-based on the game) wrote a funny script with a lot of great one liners. I'd love to see the final script to know if I should also include them in the Cons.

* I heart Bruce Willis. Since the "Moonlighting" days, he has been one of my top actors. Able to perform comedy as well as action, he only gets better with age. In "RED", his casually cool demeanour is the perfect antithesis of Parker's neurosis and Malkovich's paranoia. A preposterous scene (alluded to in the trailer) where he steps out of a moving vehicle and empties two clips into another car is great. Too bad the director and editor couldn't showcase the scenes natural momentum.

CONS:

* Bad direction- Robert Schwentke (the German born director of "Flightplan" and "The Time Traveler's Wife") seems completely out of his element. The film clips along from poorly edited vignette to vignette. The majority of the film is shot in wide and mid shot which is great for action but increasingly boring for human interaction. Dialog seems to drift off into the ether. It's apparent some of the actor's were having a good time, but it didn't translate to the final picture. Instead, we're left with a feeling of "huh" when the final credits roll. A more experienced action or comic director would have done a better job. I'm not saying everything needs to be the frame-for-frame translation of "Sin City" or shot on blue screen, that certainly didn't work for "The Spirit" and I'm holding out hope for future Zac Snyder films; but it would have been a lot more interesting. Here is an amazing story, the "Bourne Identity" for the early bird supper crowd, and it's boring.

* Editing- See above. Thom Noble is an Academy Award winning editor ("Witness", nominated for "Thelma & Louise"), but he hasn't really done a lot in the last 10 years. Clearly Schwentke has a hard on for him (he edited both his previous films), but was he the best person for this job? I think not. His approach to action is more controlled and still (e.g., "Reign of Fire", "Mask of Zorror", "Red Dawn"), which does not lend itself well to full impact shoot 'em ups. Suggestions: Saar Klein ("The Bourne Identity"), Dan Lebental ("Iron Man"), Michael Kahn (see: Steven Spielburg), or Stuart Baird ("Casino Royale").

* Karl Urban. I'm so sorry dude, I love you but you were killing me in this movie. Was it the accent? You've done American before with no problems. What gives? Were they giving you hell for your "Xena" days? Come on! You've done some good work: "Lord of the Rings", "The Bourne Supremacy", "Doom" (who expected that to be good?!), and "Star Trek". Please don't get nervous, I still love you. Consider this your yellow card.

* Music. I don't even know what was going on with the score, but it was making me crazy.

*Script- Okay, I decided to include this here as well. What can be easily white washed in a comic is glaringly apparent in a movie. We are smart consumers. We devour crime and espionage shows like "Alias", the Bourne and Oceans trilogies, and "Mission:Impossible". Therefore, we want to see the planning not just the execution. If you are going to cheat us, the execution should be amazing.

All in all this movie wasn't bad, it just wasn't as great as I expected it to be. I suggest adding it to your Netflix queue right now and spending $10 on something else.